Dear Noel,
You have been weaned for a whole week today. I am so proud of you. You've been handling it extremely well and I am excited to move forward into the new chapters of your life with you. Nursing you has been an incredible experience and I am so glad that I had that opportunity and time to bond with you while also providing you with the most nutritious thing ever created for humans.
You've been growing by leaps and bounds. You've taken interest lately in learning about different dog breeds, having me read books and stories to you, and learning letters. You know all your shapes and colors. You are a very bright mind.
I am so glad and appreciative that I have you in my life. I hope that we continue to have a strong relationship together as you move forward into your childhood years.
I love you,
love, mommy <3
As a side note, you've picked up your own little thing that you do.
You hold your hand up in the air and you float it around while saying, "There's a little alien in outer space, he flies around looking for food, then goes om nom nom and eats your face!"
as you close your hand on our face. lol it's so cute. It reminds me of little bunny foo foo and other cute things. <3
Friday, June 2, 2017
Sunday, May 28, 2017
Stuggling emotionally. Weaning
Wanted to post this here so that we can always remember this moment.
You've been weaning from breastfeeding for the past 2 days now. And not on your own free will, although, you are accepting it extremely well. I am SO proud of you.
Noel just had his first difficult emotional struggle since we've ended breastfeeding.
He cried a lot but he wasn't being harmful to anyone or anything.
I held him for a while and just let him cry. It was overwhelming for me but I knew that if I told him to stop crying, if I punished him, if I threatened him, if I got frustrated and screamed at him that I couldn't handle it (all things I truly impulsively wanted to do because of MY OWN emotional internal struggle) that he wouldn't be allowed or able to process his strong emotions, that he wouldn't be able to learn how to self regulate.
I put my own emotions aside so that I could help my son through this very difficult time I can only imagine he was having. We've had a long day out at the speedway and we woke up early this morning. I assume he must be tired and overstimulated from today.
Well anyhow, he cried, he cried a lot. For around 30-45 mins. And let me tell you, it was HARD for ME too.
I tried to talk to him, to comfort him because I KNEW he was hurting and I wanted to "fix", I wanted to "help". But then I remembered that the part of his brain that can process logic and that could hear me out was shut down, and the emotional part of his brain was currently in charge.
I stopped talking other than letting him know, "I am here for you. I love you very much." or to ask "is it ok if I rub your back?" or "do you want me to hold you?" Although, he didn't really "hear" those either.
I've found that holding my arms out and just offering support by body language was most beneficial and helpful. He went back and forth from my lap - being held/hugged/and rocked, to sitting/laying right next to me. When he was next to me, he didn't want to be touched or talked to at all, understandable. I know that sometimes when I'm really upset I don't want to be touched or talked to either - those in themselves can be much more triggering. Fair enough.
My husband tried to comfort our son by rubbing his back but Noel protested, shouting louder. I explained that sometimes people in general don't like to be touched. My husband reflected quickly and then understood. He then tried to talk to Noel but I explained that the logical part of his brain was turned off at this time and the best we could do was wait him out. My husband nodded. I could tell he felt similarly as I did - he just wanted to "help" and "fix". I guess that's just what we want to do as parents.
Noel finally started regulating back to his usual state - although, understandably still feeling upset, sad, and I would guess overwhelmed. Perfectly normal, I remember feeling those ways too after crying.
He then spoke. "Can I have your phone to play a game?"
I knew he was trying to find a coping skill - all on his own. He was looking for a way to self sooth without turning to milkies. He was asking for help ON HIS OWN.
I said gently, "I don't think that's a good idea right now, maybe later on when you feel calmer."
He understandably was upset again. He sat near me, the disappointment, frustration, and anger written on his face.
I empathized with his struggle.
I asked if he would like to color but he didn't.
I reached out to a friend, explained the situation and asked if she had ideas that could help.
I then saw a couple of Noel's toys laying near us. I had an idea.
I grabbed Noel's Catboy and Dragon that he LOVES so much and I started playing with them in front of him.
Then Noel pushed them both away, showing his frustration but I noticed something else as well. The light in his eyes.
I tried again.
He pushed them away again, this time playfully.
I dramatically pretended to have his toys soar through the air before crashing into the bed. He giggled.
I took catboy and I dodged Noel's punches as I had catboy tickle attack him. He laughed some more.
He then punched catboy over and over.
Some may think this encourages aggression but I disagree - it's a stuffed animal and I think it's great for him to let that energy out on a soft object rather than a person or hard object.
He then picked catboy up, turned to his daddy and said, "Daddy, will you play with me?"
Of course daddy played with him!
"tantrum" subsided, "tantrum" understood as extremely overwhelming and difficult emotions that HAD to be released, "tantrum" worked through positively for ALL of us.
I'm proud. I'm proud of him, I'm proud of me, I'm proud of my husband, I am proud of us ALL.
Parenting consciously, with empathy, respect for our little ones, gently, and patiently is HARD. But oh so, so so, very worth it.
#mommylifewithlaiandnoel
You've been weaning from breastfeeding for the past 2 days now. And not on your own free will, although, you are accepting it extremely well. I am SO proud of you.
Noel just had his first difficult emotional struggle since we've ended breastfeeding.
He cried a lot but he wasn't being harmful to anyone or anything.
I held him for a while and just let him cry. It was overwhelming for me but I knew that if I told him to stop crying, if I punished him, if I threatened him, if I got frustrated and screamed at him that I couldn't handle it (all things I truly impulsively wanted to do because of MY OWN emotional internal struggle) that he wouldn't be allowed or able to process his strong emotions, that he wouldn't be able to learn how to self regulate.
I put my own emotions aside so that I could help my son through this very difficult time I can only imagine he was having. We've had a long day out at the speedway and we woke up early this morning. I assume he must be tired and overstimulated from today.
Well anyhow, he cried, he cried a lot. For around 30-45 mins. And let me tell you, it was HARD for ME too.
I tried to talk to him, to comfort him because I KNEW he was hurting and I wanted to "fix", I wanted to "help". But then I remembered that the part of his brain that can process logic and that could hear me out was shut down, and the emotional part of his brain was currently in charge.
I stopped talking other than letting him know, "I am here for you. I love you very much." or to ask "is it ok if I rub your back?" or "do you want me to hold you?" Although, he didn't really "hear" those either.
I've found that holding my arms out and just offering support by body language was most beneficial and helpful. He went back and forth from my lap - being held/hugged/and rocked, to sitting/laying right next to me. When he was next to me, he didn't want to be touched or talked to at all, understandable. I know that sometimes when I'm really upset I don't want to be touched or talked to either - those in themselves can be much more triggering. Fair enough.
My husband tried to comfort our son by rubbing his back but Noel protested, shouting louder. I explained that sometimes people in general don't like to be touched. My husband reflected quickly and then understood. He then tried to talk to Noel but I explained that the logical part of his brain was turned off at this time and the best we could do was wait him out. My husband nodded. I could tell he felt similarly as I did - he just wanted to "help" and "fix". I guess that's just what we want to do as parents.
Noel finally started regulating back to his usual state - although, understandably still feeling upset, sad, and I would guess overwhelmed. Perfectly normal, I remember feeling those ways too after crying.
He then spoke. "Can I have your phone to play a game?"
I knew he was trying to find a coping skill - all on his own. He was looking for a way to self sooth without turning to milkies. He was asking for help ON HIS OWN.
I said gently, "I don't think that's a good idea right now, maybe later on when you feel calmer."
He understandably was upset again. He sat near me, the disappointment, frustration, and anger written on his face.
I empathized with his struggle.
I asked if he would like to color but he didn't.
I reached out to a friend, explained the situation and asked if she had ideas that could help.
I then saw a couple of Noel's toys laying near us. I had an idea.
I grabbed Noel's Catboy and Dragon that he LOVES so much and I started playing with them in front of him.
Then Noel pushed them both away, showing his frustration but I noticed something else as well. The light in his eyes.
I tried again.
He pushed them away again, this time playfully.
I dramatically pretended to have his toys soar through the air before crashing into the bed. He giggled.
I took catboy and I dodged Noel's punches as I had catboy tickle attack him. He laughed some more.
He then punched catboy over and over.
Some may think this encourages aggression but I disagree - it's a stuffed animal and I think it's great for him to let that energy out on a soft object rather than a person or hard object.
He then picked catboy up, turned to his daddy and said, "Daddy, will you play with me?"
Of course daddy played with him!
"tantrum" subsided, "tantrum" understood as extremely overwhelming and difficult emotions that HAD to be released, "tantrum" worked through positively for ALL of us.
I'm proud. I'm proud of him, I'm proud of me, I'm proud of my husband, I am proud of us ALL.
Parenting consciously, with empathy, respect for our little ones, gently, and patiently is HARD. But oh so, so so, very worth it.
#mommylifewithlaiandnoel
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