You're 5 in a bit over a week. Time has flown. I feel like I've just had you and 5 years have already passed. I love you so very very much. You are a spit-fire, you're strong willed, self conscious, fun, observant, caring, kind, intelligent, you're a joker and so silly and funny, and sometimes very overwhelming to be honest. :P
I can't imagine life without you. I just can't believe my baby boy isn't much a baby anymore but he's this gorgeous little boy now.
You are so inquisitive, you love learning, you are super intelligent and you watch so much that you learn from on Youtube - which btw you absolutely LOVE lol. Your favorite shows right now are My Little Pony, The Flash, Teen Titans Go, Skylanders, True and the Rainbow Kingdom, Boss Baby, Lego movies, Pokemon, Yo-Kai oh and you love any movie that has talking animals in it lol.
You got glasses this past year for distances but you've already lost them so I have to get your prescription and order new ones. You love baths but absolutely hate washing your hair. You love legos and building blocks but your favorite toys are little action figures - especially Imaginext which is a certain brand of action figures and their little buildings or whatever lol ANDD of course, you love sweets. You typically prefer vanilla ice cream, you love gummies, m&ms, candies, sweets, cake, pie, pretty much anything sugar. But I'm going to work on changing your diet to a much healthier one soon.
You still make quite a lot of messes and although you've stopped dumping water, thankfully, you've started leaving bottles of water open all around the house, caps lost - which end up getting spilled. Oh and of course you hate cleaning haha.You've had your tonsils removed earlier this year since they were too large and causing you to have sleep apnea, which led to a whole lot of night terrors. Although the night terrors and sleep apnea have ended you began wetting the bed nightly so now you wear a pull up to bed. It's pretty normal though for many boys your age to still wet the bed at night and ultimately it means you're sleeping deeper and getting a better rest at night - which you definitely need.
You have your tough moment. Last Friday I brought you to the pediatrician to get a referral to a pediatric neuro-psychiatrist because I'm pretty positive you have sensory processing disorder and possibly add/adhd. You struggle sometimes and when you struggle you can have meltdowns that last over an hour - these consist of screaming, crying, telling us you hate us, that you're stupid, that we're stupid, that we're ugly, that nobody loves or cares about you. I try to reassure you that we love you, that I love you very much and that those thoughts aren't true but that I understand that that's how you feel in the moment. You have sometimes threatened your baby sister Thea, even thought she does nothing to you and you've physically harmed and sought out to harm your older sister, Lailah. That does not define you, it impo just shows the struggle that goes on within you. You almost always have a trigger and it's typically a noise trigger. I'm thinking of getting you some noise canceling headphones to wear and see if that helps.
You are a great brother when you're stable and in a healthy state of mind. You are caring, kind, loving, you apologize on your own for mistakes, you kiss boo boos, you especially are helpful and loving towards Althea, and you do your best with Lailah when given the right environment and circumstances - you guys can really get along well sometimes.
When you have your meltdowns I offer you my lap where I hug and hold you and tell you how much I love you while I stroke your hair and rub your back. When you hurt someone I take you into your room and sit with you, my arms open and ready for you to jump in for comfort when you're ready, usually you do but not for about 45 mins. If you continue to try to hurt others or you start throwing or damaging things I have told you that if you continue I will have to bring you to the mental health hospital. That absolutely is not at all what I want for you, but I need to keep our home safe and ultimately I want to protect you from getting to a place that will be harder for you to find your way out of through your years or for you to do something that you regret that could follow you through your life.
I love you so much Noel. It's true what they say that mommy's and son's have a special bond. <3 You're so much like me, which is why I understand and try so hard to help you through your struggles. I just hope that I'm what you need and that I can guide you into adulthood the way you need. I am not a perfect mom and I doubt that I'll ever be a perfect mom. I yell, I get frustrated, I am human, you know?
But at the end of the day I'll always be sure that I do my best, I promise, no matter what, I'll do my personal best.
Love, Mommy <3
